Fear as food for thought.

05/12/2011

Hot for Con Challenge: 

Days until Con : 114

Current Weight (recorded every morning) : 226.0 (Bam!)

Current BMI : 33.37

Work Out: Recovery Day.

Foods devoured today:

Small Yogurt thing : 100 calories

Orange : 45 calories

Turkey n bacon sandwich : 830

waffle house eggs n grilled chicken : 700

Total: 1675 calories

Fear is quite possibly the greatest motivational emotion there is. 

Most people don't start getting healthier until a doctor tells them their bad habits are fatal in the near future. I started my weight loss and healthy living a good couple of months before my bold, and kind of ridiculous Hot for Con proclamation.  

But was it out of fear? 

I've been trying to figure this one out. Because to be honest I've been on autopilot the entire time. Perhaps it was a recent break up, and perhaps I fear that nobody wants to date a fat geeky dude who horribly mispronounces even the simplest of words with a consistency that may actually destroy Adam Jones' soul one day. 

Perhaps I fear being one of the millions and millions of average Americans doing average American things like watching Dancing with the Stars and promising to lose weight as a New Years resolution. Having 2.5 kids and happy with whatever the man decides I should have, because I should be exploring my potential and aspiring to achieve greatness between the hours of 9 to 5.  Perhaps I fear dinner with the inlaws and barely venturing out of the house except for once every four or five years for a average vacation where I bring back an tacky vacation shirt from a forgetful gift shop. 

I'm not sure. Those things are probably on mind and I think they're on the minds of anyone and everyone at any given time. So what is motivating me to surge forward with this whole thing? I've dabbled in getting in shape, like a average person does, putting my toes in the pool and calling it swimming.  What I thought was exercising before is nothing compared to what I do. It's not stopping there, I've been expressing interests in things I never really gave a chance in the past. I'm willing to explore options that before seemed absolutely ludicrous. 

Could be age. Maybe a fear of getting older and living day after day unfulfilled. I occasionally look backwards and ask what have I done with myself? Why didn't I do this, or that....

But I've drawn up the same conclusions the last few nights. My life has been pretty awesome, and this is a brave new chapter in it. I'm doing these things because I want to, and the motivation behind it could be all the above or none at all, your guess is as good as mine.